In 2006, Karen O’Neil's ex-husband was diagnosed with three to six months to live. He was 59. Their children were in their 20s.

Being an overprotective mother, O’Neil decided to take on the task of getting her ex-husband’s affairs in order. "It was a scramble," she says. "It was more or less just a flurry of activity trying to get everything done."

In the end, those three to six months became only three short weeks.

“It was a miracle that we got everything done, because he was totally unprepared for that kind of news," O'Neil says. "After it was over, I thought my goodness, at such a time (my children) could not have answered these questions about funeral arrangements or any of that ... They would have been at a complete loss."

That event kindled a passion in O’Neil for helping others get their affairs in order. She developed a workbook, titled "A Guide to Getting Affairs in Order," as a way to gather important data from loved ones, all in one place.

She's already had her two adult children fill out their own workbooks.

“Nobody knows when their time's up," she says.

The workbook covers wills, living trusts, birth certificates, adoption certificates, marriage licenses, divorce decrees, military records, discharge papers, passports, death certificates, Social Security cards, property deeds, tax records, bank accounts, annuities, stocks and bonds, life insurance, real estate holdings … there are many details to know.

For example: Is there a safe deposit box? At what bank? Where is the key? Who has access? What are the contents?

Is there to be a burial? Where? What kind of casket? What will be on the marker?

You get the idea.

"It's such an uncomfortable and scary topic to many people," O'Neil says. "I really want to take that uncomfortableness away so that it just becomes a normal thing that needs to be taken care of."

O’Neil acknowledges that family members can be resistant to sharing their information. She recommends starting with the easy stuff, like vital statistics, and make it a comfortable experience. That can become a starting place for a broader discussion.

"Nobody's saying that you're dying," O’Neil says. "A lot of people are afraid of death, and I think that plays into not wanting to talk about it."

But, she adds, "Whether you talk about it or not, death is going to happen. And everyone needs someone who knows what to do or who to call."

Upcoming Seminars
• O'Neil will be giving classes at the Kaimuki/Kaiser Community School for Adults this fall. Check the schedule online at kcsa.k12.hi.us or call 733-8460. Onsite class registration is Aug. 8-20.
• O'Neil will be presenting her workbook at the Hawaii Woman Expo, Sept. 11-13, at the Neal Blasidell Center. Check the schedule online, hawaiiwomanexpo.com, for days and times.
To order a copy of "A Guide to Getting Affairs in Order" ($14.95), contact Karen O’Neil, 782-3879, karenconeil@gmail.com.